Will it ever be enough?

A long time ago, a really good friend of mine once gave me a letter. It was song lyrics, and I keep it close to me still, years later. Everyone has something inside that eats at them. Something that tugs at their very soul. Mine is that I have wasted so much time. That I have watched other's allow themselves to experience life outside of the walls we all put up around ourselves. If you never take chances, how will you ever know?

Did I ever say that I don't appreciate my life? Probably not, it wouldn't be true. I never took as many chances with my life that I would have liked, because it was not just my own life that I would be taking chances with. I have accomplished a lot, at nineteen years old, I never would have believed I could. Still, I wonder. I stare up at the sky, I look far beyond at the mountains to the west to feel amazed, and remember that there are no limitations. I feel hope and the absolute need to succeed.

Success, means something different to everyone. To me, success means that I am able to do the things that I love, and that I am able to support myself by doing them. It is true you know, if you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life.

So, back to the letter. The letter that I keep so close, the letter that I look at when I feel tired, when I feel like I have wasted time, when I feel like I have been left behind by adventure and chance. It ends like this...

You will never feel, that you have done enough
But you have, in the eyes of the world, you have done so much

...and it makes me cry, because I want to believe it.

Caleb from The Star Relic

This is a drawing I did of Caleb, a character from my novel, The Star Relic

Excerpt:

     Crashing thunder made me glance to the west and in the distance I could see a dark spot within the murky gray clouds. The spot danced gracefully, and as it drew near I realized it had wings. They were fighting against the wind and rain and surprisingly winning. I was watching a crow, and as it flew closer I felt myself getting hot as blood flowed to my face, and anger made me forget my lack of comfort.

     The unnaturally large crow landed and cawed, circling comically on the ledge a few feet away from me. I moved closer and knelt down beside him. “Would you please shift? I’m not in the mood!” I yelled irritably over the rain and thunder.

     The crow vibrated and shimmered, silvery sparkles surrounded him until finally, he turned into a beautiful boy. He was wearing blue jeans, brown work boots, and that’s it. I would have smiled with absolute pleasure at the sight of him, if I wasn’t so angry. Angry because he was here, and my sister wasn’t.

     Caleb was laughing when his transformation was complete. His thick black hair draped over his shoulders and he hugged himself as he shivered. He frowned and looked around. His golden brown skin showed goose bumps as the rain fell on him with no regard to his bare skin.

 

Everyone Has a Past

The stories in my head won't stop flowing! Here is another project I am working on. This one is a story I am writing about the life of Medusa. The life before she became a monster that is. I also thought that I would draw her for you (pre-monster).

Excerpt:
The woman in the mural was beautiful, with the most precious smile he had ever seen. She had deep brilliant blue eyes, like ocean water that you wanted to swim in. Her eyes sparkled of knowledge and happine...ss. Her hair was brown with golden highlights and in flowed elegantly past her shoulders to her waste. It looked unbelievably soft, even in this mural it seemed you could reach out and touch it, and as Ampelius stared at the mural her hair started to flow as if a breeze flowed through it. The mural was alive and he gaped at it with amazement.
The woman was wearing a priestess gown. He recognized it. All of Athena’s temple priestesses wore these white gowns. The gown made her skin glow, golden and radiant. Her skin tone was olive and you could see the kiss of the sun on it. It was as if the sun reveled in her beauty as well. She wore a crown of gold in the shape of snake with ruby eyes. A belt at her waist was a golden olive branch. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips were full and pink. She smiled down at him from the mural. He was drawn to the woman on the wall as she was amazing and unbelievably gorgeous.

 

Broken

Well Fans, once again I wanted you to see who I picture when I write. I drew this so you could see this character from my mind. This is Remi Torrez, from my novel titled Broken.

 

Here is an excerpt from the book:
Remi stared at herself in the mirror. The image she saw was the one from a year ago. A girl, bruised, alone, and tormented, stared back at her.

 

You can read more on my website www.tanyachamain.com

 

 

 

 

Resentment

Resentment:  The feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.

Is it normal to be thankful, yet feel resentment toward other things in your life? I know that I am truly blessed to have my health, to have healthy children, to have a good job. These are things that I will never take for granted. But lately I find that I feel angry inside. I feel like I am fragmented, that I have put all of my eggs into the baskets of my responsibilities and not my dreams. But isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

People often dissapoint me, and I find that no matter how hard I work to keep my life drama free and uncomplicated, I can’t seem to stop some of that from slipping through. How do I deal with it? I don’t. I won’t. I absolutely refuse to let any negativity impact me. I don’t like watching the news, and lately negative television shows hit my "no" list. I don’t even like discussing negative subjects. I just shut down and I know that really makes the people in my life frustrated. but it's the best I can do.

My feelings are not easily exhibited. I don’t let my anger and disappointment show like most other people do. I do most of my releasing through my writing and my art. I often let songs say how I feel for me. I'll listen to a song over and over if it reflects how I feel in the moment. Unfortunately, when I don’t get to do write or draw as often as I would like, it really eats me up inside.  That’s where the resentment grows and manifests inside of me.

The truth is, I just want to create. Not getting to put 100% of myself into doing this things has left me…resentful. I can’t help it, no matter what I do, that knot in my stomach twists at the thought of the time that I spend driving to work, and being at work. I could get so much done with my writing and art if I could spend that time focused on just these things.

But life is life, isn’t it? I have to continue to spend what time I can doing the things I love, because not doing them would devastate me. Someday, when the time is right and it is meant to be, I will get the opportunity to write and draw, not in my free time, but as my labor of love.

Did you ever wonder what happened to the victims? Their stories were all over the news; everyone was talking about it, the tragedy, and the unbelievable circumstances. Then, a few days go by, and everyone moves on with their lives, talking about new tragedies and new victims. What happened to them?

Well I decided I would write a book about a victim. About how she is struggling with life after tragedy strikes, and changes her life forever. She hasn’t forgotten about the tragedy, in fact it haunts her every minute of the day.  

I added the first Chapter to my latest piece to my website. The novel is called Broken. Check it out at www.tanyachamain.com.

Move On!

I have been an observer and a participant in the many debates this year’s presidential election has caused. As a woman, a mutlti-racial person, with mutli-racial children, and a husband who is also multi-racial, this election has caused many sparks to my emotions. Top that off with a house hold with different religious preferences and backgrounds, you would think we would be arguing all of the time.

This however, is not the case. I love the fact that we have such a diverse history, present, and future. T What would this world be like if it were not this way. Boring!!! What is lacking in this country, the country I love, but often find disappointing, is respect. Many people have little respect and tolerance for those who do not think, look, and act like them.   

Matt Taibbi - Modern Republicans "have so much of their own collective identity wrapped up in the belief that they're surrounded by free-loading, job-averse parasites who not only want to smoke weed and have recreational abortions all day long, but want hardworking white Christians like them to pay the tab," Taibbi wrote. "Their whole belief system...is inherently insulting to everyone outside the tent – and you can't win votes when you're calling people lazy, stoned moochers."

We had people trying to secede because their candidate lost. I am seeing unbelievable disrespect for the office of the President of the United States. It’s quite shocking and disheartening actually. The election is over, it was fair and the results are that President Obama, is President again. And so what, let him do his job, stop being so hateful and negative already. MOVE ON!